We arrived at the gated house at the end of the cul de sac and walked through the living room to the back patio and pool. Barbecued sausage, chicken legs and Kudu steak were being served to the thirty or so guests gathered in groups. On my way to grab a drink I was intercepted by Aubun, a Dutch South African who we had met the night before. Aubun had told us he would be in Windhoek for a few days selling spark plug converters at a trade show.
Aubun was a short man with a closely shaven moustache, droopy shoulders and thick blonde hair parted to his side. Over his moustache sat a finely chiseled nose, the tip now reddened by the few glasses of whiskey and coco-cola. “Join me for a drink” Aubun shouted. I looked at his glass which was lightened to a caramel color by the whiskey. He then picked up an empty glass on the nearby table and poured half his drink into it and then added some coke. “It’s mighty strong this glass I made for myself, even after three beers I already had.” “What kind of whiskey is it”, I asked. “Some cheap shit, but it will make you sleep well and that is all that matters” he said letting out a bronchus cough. Auban then reached into his pocket and took out a pack of Chesterfields. He offered me one and then lit one up for himself.
“So when are you getting your car”, Aubun asked. “We should have it by tomorrow if everything goes through OK”. “What kind is it?” he asked. “It’s a 91 Land Rover Defender.” “Those Landy’s are good fun, lots of good fun, you can go anywhere with them,” Aubun quipped. “I remember when I was in the army we used to drive 200km through the thickest bush and desert with those things to the ----- tribe and we used to dump out the water from our canteens and they’d fill it for us with this watermelon wine they made and then we’d take the one packet ration of raisins they gave us in the army and put those raisins in the canteens and let them sit. Then at around 10 o’clock at night when the sun had been gone for a few hours and it began to get a little cold we’d light a fire and drink the watermelon wine. At the end when we’d finished drinking there would be only raisins left at the bottom of the canteen. By now though, the raisins had taken in the wine and were as big as a walnut, and we’d eat these raisins like they were diamonds and sleep well that night. It was all good fun, good fun I tell you.”
“I remember one night, this one night we were all sitting around drinking this wine and a couple of buddies heard something in the woods and we went to see what it was, maybe a Kudu we could eat with our drink. About twenty or so minutes later the group came back with a black man. But by this time we all were feeling tipsy and it was a warm night so the warm wind didn’t help in sobering us up. So Jimmy, the leader of our group put his hankerchief around the black guys eyes and went to the back of the Landy to get a spare tire from the back."“He took off the metal center and then put the tire around this guy and set him to the ground. He then went to grab the extra petrol can on top of the car and we all knew what he was going to do, he was going to necklace the man by putting petrol on him with a tire around him and then set him on fire and roll him down the hill.
“There were some of us who just wanted to let him go, others wanted to just shoot him, but Jimmy was the leader and the wildest and wouldn’t have it any other way. He looked at the man and spit right into his face calling him kefir this and kefir that and saying how SA belonged to the whites, not those fucking blacks. Well Jimmy then took the petrol and started pouring it on the black man’s face and the man began screaming because the petrol was now in his eyes and getting into the cuts in his face and Jimmy continued until he had worked his way down to the tips of the mans toes. Jimmy then took a box of matches and lit one up and threw it onto the man and then began to roll him down the hill. The man was now screaming and trying to get loose but the tire around him was too tight and by the time he struggled free, ninety percent of his body was crusty black from the burns. But the man was still alive and he was screaming and now his flesh was coming off with every move he made. All of us turned the other way, we couldn’t stand to look and only Jimmy stood there looking at the man until he finally couldn’t take it any more too, and pulled the gun from his holster and fired three times into the man’s face, the only area on him that remained human. We then quickly got into the Landy and drove off.”
“We drove away and while we drove nobody spoke for hours, and the incident was never mentioned again, but Jimmy was never the same wild guy after that. After he left the army and I heard he opened up a game farm somewhere in Namibia. One day though he was driving through his game park when his car stalled. So he got out to try to fix the problem, and his favorite lion, one that he’d been taking care of for years suddenly turned wild and attacked him and that was it. But other than that the army was good fun I tell you lots of good fun.”
After the army I met my wife and well its still good fun. In South Africa there are two ways you meet your wife, you either fall in love and then have sex, or have sex and then fall in love. I fell in love and then had sex but you see right now at the show in town here I got myself two girls lined up to have sex with. One’s older, the other is younger but the older seems more wild than the younger. It’s good fun though lots of good fun, but one has to be more careful now with AIDS but it’s still good fun though, good fun.”
Auban continued talking amongst the heavy smoke and the heavy coughing. Suddenly I felt my head getting hot and it began to hurt. “You don’t look so good,” Aubun said, “maybe you should go inside and rest.”
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